The downside of working all the time.

So, I've been working 65-75 hour weeks since I arrived. True, there's some down time that doesn't really count as 'work hours' since I'm doing things like this blog. But, I'd say a good 55-60 hours of true, honest to God work gets done. And aside from that, my "downtime" is still spent at work.

I'm not saying this to complain. I love that I am able to dedicate so much of my time to a cause I believe in.

But, sometimes I will look at a truly beautiful drawing or read a particularly poignant blog entry or short story or passage in a book I'm reading, I feel stirred, like a burning hunger in my belly, to create something.

Often in the morning, I see my yellow fountain pen sitting, forlorn, on my nightstand, and consider bringing it with me into work. I do not, because I would rather do it justice than take it like a security blanket into a space where neither my heart, my soul, or my mind are completely free to be my own.

And, new duties come up suddenly in life, I've found. I intended to take time to write this Sunday. However, as soon as I woke up, I heard my cousin Bo was having trouble editing highlights from the Virginia state championship game for Lacrosse, in which he coached the winning team. His team was having an awards banquet in celebration of their victory, and he wanted to provide them with a simple highlight reel to music, but wasn't really tech savvy enough to make it happen in time. So, seeing that I could do it fast enough if I put my mind to it, I helped him instead. Helping my family is always rewarding, but I was too exhausted mentally at the end of the day to put pen to paper. And I think I may burst into flames if I don't burn words to paper instead.

I miss my dearest, my darling K. I miss every adventure we could have, no matter where in the world we were. There is beauty, and love of creation, and thankfulness to God which can be shared in every moment, and I miss having her by my side, because I have shared in those things more fully with her than with anyone else in my life.

My longing for her can be paralyzing, but it also instills a truly fiery passion in my gut which drives me to take in as many beautiful and wonderful things as possible, simply so I can dream that she is with me, seeing all those things. I want the record of my mind's chaos to be put to paper, not so I can understand it better, but so that she can see it, and perhaps smile at my humanity.

Oh, darling, darling, my dearest, most wonderful girl. I burn so many ways for you.

Here's to all who have loved, and all who have longed,

R.R.K.