Here's to techmology!
R.R.K.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Neat!
I just made this post from my new phone. Very cool.
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Counselling and Lifestyle Changes
I have recently begun therapy to help me deal with parts of my childhood. For those of you who know me well, you most likely already know why I have chosen to undergo therapy. Otherwise, I'd rather not go into the details in such an open forum.
But, this decision has been coming for about 5 or 6 years. I've worked out a lot of the basics on my own, but just knowing why you're messed up isn't always the be-all end-all of personal revelations. I may know WHY I feel the way I feel. I want to know how to CHANGE the way I feel. Not who I am. But how I live, day in and day out. How I relate to the people I love. How I survive in my professional life.
I'm starting cognitive behavioral therapy, to achieve this end. I like the format, because there is a definite timeline for the therapy, and goals to achieve. I am determined to take the therapy seriously and be dedicated to the process. I have high hopes that it will bear fruit.
In other news, but you might say related news (this is all about health, after all), I am beginning a nutrition and exercise program under the supervision of my Uncle Vito, who is a doctor. I have swam for 30-40 minutes the past couple days, and intend to continue this schedule daily, slowly increasing the amount I swim. I have also changed to a "weight watchers" style of nutrition. I intend to eat a salad with chicken breast every day for lunch, and eat a healthy dinner with my family every night after I swim. I think that I already feel a little more energized.
I love to swim. Bottom line, I love to swim. And I'm glad I've found an exercise that I love, and that doesn't ruin my knees/ankles, which have been consistently problematic.
As happy as I am about these positive developments in my life, I still miss my most darling Darling. If I had to do any of this without knowing we would see each other soon, and be together again permenantly a little bit down the line, I feel like I would crumble or despair. But because sweet K. remains here in this life with me, I shall not despair.
And more and more every day, I will try to make sure to put God first, so that I may never despair.
Love and health to you all,
R.R.K.
But, this decision has been coming for about 5 or 6 years. I've worked out a lot of the basics on my own, but just knowing why you're messed up isn't always the be-all end-all of personal revelations. I may know WHY I feel the way I feel. I want to know how to CHANGE the way I feel. Not who I am. But how I live, day in and day out. How I relate to the people I love. How I survive in my professional life.
I'm starting cognitive behavioral therapy, to achieve this end. I like the format, because there is a definite timeline for the therapy, and goals to achieve. I am determined to take the therapy seriously and be dedicated to the process. I have high hopes that it will bear fruit.
In other news, but you might say related news (this is all about health, after all), I am beginning a nutrition and exercise program under the supervision of my Uncle Vito, who is a doctor. I have swam for 30-40 minutes the past couple days, and intend to continue this schedule daily, slowly increasing the amount I swim. I have also changed to a "weight watchers" style of nutrition. I intend to eat a salad with chicken breast every day for lunch, and eat a healthy dinner with my family every night after I swim. I think that I already feel a little more energized.
I love to swim. Bottom line, I love to swim. And I'm glad I've found an exercise that I love, and that doesn't ruin my knees/ankles, which have been consistently problematic.
As happy as I am about these positive developments in my life, I still miss my most darling Darling. If I had to do any of this without knowing we would see each other soon, and be together again permenantly a little bit down the line, I feel like I would crumble or despair. But because sweet K. remains here in this life with me, I shall not despair.
And more and more every day, I will try to make sure to put God first, so that I may never despair.
Love and health to you all,
R.R.K.
Monday, May 19, 2008
The downside of working all the time.
So, I've been working 65-75 hour weeks since I arrived. True, there's some down time that doesn't really count as 'work hours' since I'm doing things like this blog. But, I'd say a good 55-60 hours of true, honest to God work gets done. And aside from that, my "downtime" is still spent at work.
I'm not saying this to complain. I love that I am able to dedicate so much of my time to a cause I believe in.
But, sometimes I will look at a truly beautiful drawing or read a particularly poignant blog entry or short story or passage in a book I'm reading, I feel stirred, like a burning hunger in my belly, to create something.
Often in the morning, I see my yellow fountain pen sitting, forlorn, on my nightstand, and consider bringing it with me into work. I do not, because I would rather do it justice than take it like a security blanket into a space where neither my heart, my soul, or my mind are completely free to be my own.
And, new duties come up suddenly in life, I've found. I intended to take time to write this Sunday. However, as soon as I woke up, I heard my cousin Bo was having trouble editing highlights from the Virginia state championship game for Lacrosse, in which he coached the winning team. His team was having an awards banquet in celebration of their victory, and he wanted to provide them with a simple highlight reel to music, but wasn't really tech savvy enough to make it happen in time. So, seeing that I could do it fast enough if I put my mind to it, I helped him instead. Helping my family is always rewarding, but I was too exhausted mentally at the end of the day to put pen to paper. And I think I may burst into flames if I don't burn words to paper instead.
I miss my dearest, my darling K. I miss every adventure we could have, no matter where in the world we were. There is beauty, and love of creation, and thankfulness to God which can be shared in every moment, and I miss having her by my side, because I have shared in those things more fully with her than with anyone else in my life.
My longing for her can be paralyzing, but it also instills a truly fiery passion in my gut which drives me to take in as many beautiful and wonderful things as possible, simply so I can dream that she is with me, seeing all those things. I want the record of my mind's chaos to be put to paper, not so I can understand it better, but so that she can see it, and perhaps smile at my humanity.
Oh, darling, darling, my dearest, most wonderful girl. I burn so many ways for you.
Here's to all who have loved, and all who have longed,
R.R.K.
I'm not saying this to complain. I love that I am able to dedicate so much of my time to a cause I believe in.
But, sometimes I will look at a truly beautiful drawing or read a particularly poignant blog entry or short story or passage in a book I'm reading, I feel stirred, like a burning hunger in my belly, to create something.
Often in the morning, I see my yellow fountain pen sitting, forlorn, on my nightstand, and consider bringing it with me into work. I do not, because I would rather do it justice than take it like a security blanket into a space where neither my heart, my soul, or my mind are completely free to be my own.
And, new duties come up suddenly in life, I've found. I intended to take time to write this Sunday. However, as soon as I woke up, I heard my cousin Bo was having trouble editing highlights from the Virginia state championship game for Lacrosse, in which he coached the winning team. His team was having an awards banquet in celebration of their victory, and he wanted to provide them with a simple highlight reel to music, but wasn't really tech savvy enough to make it happen in time. So, seeing that I could do it fast enough if I put my mind to it, I helped him instead. Helping my family is always rewarding, but I was too exhausted mentally at the end of the day to put pen to paper. And I think I may burst into flames if I don't burn words to paper instead.
I miss my dearest, my darling K. I miss every adventure we could have, no matter where in the world we were. There is beauty, and love of creation, and thankfulness to God which can be shared in every moment, and I miss having her by my side, because I have shared in those things more fully with her than with anyone else in my life.
My longing for her can be paralyzing, but it also instills a truly fiery passion in my gut which drives me to take in as many beautiful and wonderful things as possible, simply so I can dream that she is with me, seeing all those things. I want the record of my mind's chaos to be put to paper, not so I can understand it better, but so that she can see it, and perhaps smile at my humanity.
Oh, darling, darling, my dearest, most wonderful girl. I burn so many ways for you.
Here's to all who have loved, and all who have longed,
R.R.K.
Sunday, May 4, 2008
Work.
Campaigns are difficult, because you rarely ever agree completely with the person you are campaigning for. At least, not on every single issue.
Nonetheless, even when this is momentarily disheartening, it is very exciting to work for somebody whom you believe in and trust. My cousin Tom is one such person. Even when I have a different concept of an ideal policy, I am completely behind the ethic which drives his desire to be politically engaged. And, more importantly, his philosophy of discovering what our real goals should be in public policy, and gearing his discussion of policy towards accomplishing those goals, is the most important step our nation could take away from partisan politics.
I am incredibly excited to continue working on this campaign. I started work the day after I got here, and have been working an average of 10 or more hours a day. But, I feel much better having a positive and productive place to work, and a room of my own.
But, I miss my home, for she is sweet.
Nonetheless, even when this is momentarily disheartening, it is very exciting to work for somebody whom you believe in and trust. My cousin Tom is one such person. Even when I have a different concept of an ideal policy, I am completely behind the ethic which drives his desire to be politically engaged. And, more importantly, his philosophy of discovering what our real goals should be in public policy, and gearing his discussion of policy towards accomplishing those goals, is the most important step our nation could take away from partisan politics.
I am incredibly excited to continue working on this campaign. I started work the day after I got here, and have been working an average of 10 or more hours a day. But, I feel much better having a positive and productive place to work, and a room of my own.
But, I miss my home, for she is sweet.
Monday, April 28, 2008
Travels: Nearly completed.
I am fairly exhausted, so I will make this brief. This is my final night on the road. By tomorrow evening, I will be in Virginia, starting a completely new chapter in my journey across the continent. Although I am sometimes close to being overwhelmed by my self doubt and insecurities, my small failures and my lapses in judgement, I will continue to take comfort in two things.
First, even when I fall hard, God has said it's alright to stand back up again, and even gives a hand up.
Second, I have a wonderful girl who supports me and believes in me. And more importantly, who will love me even when I fall, so that I am not afraid to sometimes take risks and try new things. Even when they don't work out, she cheers me on, either to try again or try the next thing. And for that, I am grateful both to her and to God for creating her.
Actually, there's a third group I want to be thankful to. I want to thank all my friends who have supported me and challenged me on my spiritual walk. I love you all, too.
Anyhow, I guess it really is true. One journey's end is another's beginning.
Sincerely cliched,
RRK
First, even when I fall hard, God has said it's alright to stand back up again, and even gives a hand up.
Second, I have a wonderful girl who supports me and believes in me. And more importantly, who will love me even when I fall, so that I am not afraid to sometimes take risks and try new things. Even when they don't work out, she cheers me on, either to try again or try the next thing. And for that, I am grateful both to her and to God for creating her.
Actually, there's a third group I want to be thankful to. I want to thank all my friends who have supported me and challenged me on my spiritual walk. I love you all, too.
Anyhow, I guess it really is true. One journey's end is another's beginning.
Sincerely cliched,
RRK
Monday, April 21, 2008
The marks we leave on each other
Today my brother and I got matching tatoos in the center of of backs of celtic shield knots. I'll put up some pictures later.
But, it got me thinking about the marks we leave on each other. These tattoos symbolize a connection between my brother and I which would exist with or without the tattoos. They were more of an affirmation of something true than the creation of something new.
When we touch each others lives, we change each other. We can even give each other hope. Hope that we are not alien to everybody around us. I just wrote about how the ways we love each other can change us for the better, so I won't go too deeply into this. But, I think that it is important to remember that we are not alone or separate from each other, even when the distance between our bodies seems great. Often, our souls still touch, and our relationships leave an imprint which marks us far deeper than skin level.
And so, because my brother and I shared a common childhood and faced common obstacles (and still do) we will always have common cause with each other. And even when we part from each other, we are never abandoned. We both have still existed, and that means I am not a complete stranger in this world.
I feel that way about K. too. I don't really want "matching" tattoos with her, but I saw a few bird tattoos which our artist had done, and it made me want to mark my body with a bluebird whose silent, joyful song would reflect the bluebird which K.'s love has birthed within my heart, whose beautiful melody cheers me even when I'm sad. She said there is no home where I am not, and I know there is no home where she is not. But, she is ever in my heart, and I hope I am always in hers. And there, in that imprint, in that unbreakable but thread-thin connection, I feel like I am more at home wherever I am in this world than I have ever been before I was with her. So, I take comfort in that fact until I can return to my true home, the warm embrace of my love's arms. I take comfort, and I consider marking myself with a little bluebird to keep me company on the long road home.
But, it got me thinking about the marks we leave on each other. These tattoos symbolize a connection between my brother and I which would exist with or without the tattoos. They were more of an affirmation of something true than the creation of something new.
When we touch each others lives, we change each other. We can even give each other hope. Hope that we are not alien to everybody around us. I just wrote about how the ways we love each other can change us for the better, so I won't go too deeply into this. But, I think that it is important to remember that we are not alone or separate from each other, even when the distance between our bodies seems great. Often, our souls still touch, and our relationships leave an imprint which marks us far deeper than skin level.
And so, because my brother and I shared a common childhood and faced common obstacles (and still do) we will always have common cause with each other. And even when we part from each other, we are never abandoned. We both have still existed, and that means I am not a complete stranger in this world.
I feel that way about K. too. I don't really want "matching" tattoos with her, but I saw a few bird tattoos which our artist had done, and it made me want to mark my body with a bluebird whose silent, joyful song would reflect the bluebird which K.'s love has birthed within my heart, whose beautiful melody cheers me even when I'm sad. She said there is no home where I am not, and I know there is no home where she is not. But, she is ever in my heart, and I hope I am always in hers. And there, in that imprint, in that unbreakable but thread-thin connection, I feel like I am more at home wherever I am in this world than I have ever been before I was with her. So, I take comfort in that fact until I can return to my true home, the warm embrace of my love's arms. I take comfort, and I consider marking myself with a little bluebird to keep me company on the long road home.
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